Family and fishing

I  am writing this while looking at a giant poster of Johann Sebastian Bach….you know, the classical music dude with wig on his head and sheet of music in his hands. Where am I ?

At my daughter clarinet lesson..

I am already tired…before picking her up I picked up my son from high school and made him dinner. I engulfed something that I honestly don’t remember what it was or what did it taste like, took him back to high school for his basketball practice. Then to the other side of the school where middle school is located to pick up my daughter and her twin friends that live few houses away. My neighbor drops all the kids in the morning, including mine, I picked them all up including hers.

So after dropping their kids I feed my girl and drove her to the music lesson. And here I am….you figure it’s enough running around for one day? I am just getting started

I have to drive her home and set up homework, then go pick my son up from volleyball. Then I have to drop him home and take my daughter to Nassau-Suffolk youth band practice in next town. By the time I get home it should be around 9 PM. That’s why I am typing this on a net book at the music lessons. It gets a little easier when my wife is around as she does a lot of this herself but today she is at our Goddaughter confirmation.

Why am I telling all this?

Because while I was writing this , the bite was really on. Unfortunately it wasn’t on the beach next to my house but on a beach good ride away. And unfortunately, the best of action took place during the day. And I could get on it….not without severely pissing my wife.

The weekend before I got off the beach about half an hour before the action got going. Did I knew it was going to happen? Yes, if I took into consideration previous days. Did I have to go home? No.

Did my son had a volleyball game that I could have skipped to get in on a bite?

Not in this lifetime…

I am sure I am not the only one who deals with these issues. October is probably the busiest time in my year, religion classes just started, volleyball, basketball, music lessons, after school clubs, bands, girl scouts, you name it, it’s happening in October. Unfortunately the best fishing of the year occurs in October too.

What to do? Pout like a child in front of your wife until she take pity on you? Tell her to deal with it because fall run is short in duration?

You can do any of the above. Maybe your wife is more forgiving.

Maybe your conscience does not eat at you like it eats me. For us with small children this is the most difficult time of the year.

I love fishing, I love taking picture of people fishing, I even grown fond of using a video camera. But no fish, picture of video clip that I have ever caught, took or watched warmed up my heart in the way it does when my son comes home with a good grade he can’t wait to show me. Or when my girl is beaming with pride that she made bi-county youth band. I can always make plans to do more fishing next year. But family issues is not something you can put away for a latter day…I am sure many of you have gone through it in the past, many of you are dealing with it today and for some of you this time is approaching. I am far from perfect father, I made my share of mistakes over the years and caused some very unpleasant conversations with my better half. As much as we find their inability to comprehend term like blitz, fall run or a new moon tide maddening they do have a unique insights in what we do. Often times they can point things to us that we might be too busy to see or just plainly ignored. I know I looked into the mirror over the years and hated what I’ve seen sometimes. But infatuation with fishing will do that to you

It’s all good, the best things in life are often not what we beached, but instead that keeper you married  🙂

23 comments on “Family and fishing

  1. Dave W.

    Zeno, Your not alone bud, I have 3 daughters with one in a local college without a drivers lience! All this forces me to keep my fishing local which has been dismal at best this fall when I can get out.
    Got to get the kids up now, leave work early to get my yougest at 3:30 today. Fishing, unlikely.
    BTW last night was 19 years for me and my better half.

  2. Rich m

    nope no kids my biggest worry is keeping work moving,finding more work and paying my bills,having your own buisness can be tough in these times. where i was once with 4 employees booking months in advanced,now down to one employee booking weeks ahead, so… i guess im saying we all have our stuff but thankgod we have fishing

  3. B.W.Dave

    Great story, My first year at this surfcasting thing.My best gear to date is : wife[best girl ever]11 yr old gianna,10yr old twins patrick & maria. Busy just as much as the next of the guys at csa told me the best time to get out tide moon ect. is when u can.well that would be after home “work” is done .Did ok this year mostly schoolies but was rewarded wiht a 35″ P.B.My family is my whole life with out them and god I would be LOST. thanks again for the story Zeno.

  4. Allen Won

    Zeno, you are a real champion. To sacrifice what you do proves that you are a committed father and husband. That unfortunately is a big deal these days. Too bad we in our society, don’t have more examples of men like you who despite their passions, choose to do ‘the right thing’. In your life this will return more than 10 fold. Your kids will thank you, your wife will thank you and I amongst many others thank you for raising children the correct way. We have enough selfish and self centered individuals now. Bravo Zeno!

  5. Chris Contaldi

    Its good to read that successful surfcasters can keep things in perspective. It is an addiction that must be kept in check at times. I started Surfcasting when I got my drivers license 20+ years ago. Fished hard, it became a way of life. When my first son was born my wife and I decided to do everything possible to keep her at home full time, which meant I would be working two fulll time jobs. With that, I had no business coming home after a couple days of work and saying “I’m hitting the beach, wish me luck”. Other than the annual Montauk pilgrimage, and some days on the open beach with the family in tow my gear was hung up. My youngest son just started school full time this year, opening the door for me to fish again. I prefer nights so I can go out after they are in bed and be back when they wake. I recover when they are in class. The life of a surfcaster is shaped in so many ways, in my opinion , most drastically by Family. I consider this the begining of my second generation in Surfcasting. The goal for the following years is impart the passion of Surfcasting to my sons. I never thought the sport could get better than it is , however , now I see the reason it does. Family.

  6. Zeno Post author

    I am no hero,better or worst then any other father out there…let’s not make me into a saint..I have made plenty of mistakes in my life

  7. Rob L

    I hear you Z. Remember life is short and the kids are only young once. In the end it will be these memories you will cherish. There will always be other bites.

  8. backlash

    The way I see it, when you walk away from the fish, miss those blitz’s, and make sacrifices for the sake of family…the fish God’s make up for it seven fold. Your reward will be repaid one day. You’ll know it when your up to your eyeballs in big fish! I hope I’m on the rock next to you when it happens though. 🙂

  9. Jason Colby

    When I 1st started reading this I thought you were writing about a beach in Florida (Sebastian Beash) but then I focused and started comprehending.
    I got married in 1993; not coincidencially, my last 50+ was in 1992. Yes, there was the issue about the fish of these year classes not having grown up for awhile but they are grown now and I still do not get 50’s because of this subject. And I only have one daughter!
    Fortunatly, I got a lot of fishing “out of my system” before I got married as I doubt anyone would have wanted to stay married to me if I fished 7 nights a week from May through November. My wife still thinks I fish too much but she has no idea. I used to do “whatever it takes”,….I don’t do that at all anymore………….JC

  10. Rob A

    Im sure your kids appreciate and know how much you love them because you put them before the sport you also love passionately. All good stuff.

  11. Janet Messineo

    Well said Zeno. I had a lot of freedom until I was 44 and we adopted a special needs 21/2 yr old boy. Life changed.When he was a baby, I barely had any time to fish. I had just opened the doors to my business 3 years before that,so I was bisssseeeee.
    I felt like I was juggling and I could never get all my balls in the air without one fallling on the floor! BUT, just like you, my heart grew and like you I appreciated my spouse especially when he became Mr Mom so I could catch a tide. He is 21 now and I would not trade those years for any fishing. Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am.

  12. firstlight

    That’s it . . . balance and perspective. I took alot of time off from fishing during the child rearing years. They’re adults now; I’m retired; and I fish more than I ever did in the past. It’s all about getting priorities in order. As in your case, Z, I have younger friends who are parents of kids in their formitive years, and they, too, bide their time.

  13. harv

    Haha I’m not mr perfect, wtf u coulda fooled us! U da man dada. U even cook! Ur the perfect husband, father combo mombo. Keep up the good work. Mayb they will visit u in long beach at the old age home lol

  14. Tom M

    I have a 14 month old daughter and can tell that it’s only gonna get “busier” but def. in a good way – , Tom

  15. Andy

    Wow the timing on this is dead on. I just had the talk, and realized my wife didn’t have an issue with my fishing but with the shape I was in after 5 no sleep days in a row. I was basically junk and unattentive to the family. Sleeping away the weekend to make up for the week. Honestly I was so consumed with fishing I didn’t even think about the consequences. We came to agreement that I won’t go quite as often….but no deal was carved in stone so I don’t break a promise. She understands, I’m a fisheman, sick in the mind and happy in the water.

  16. Tony Marchisotto

    The cool part comes when your kid is old enough to be your fishing partner! Your children remember everything you did with them & for them. Stay the course.

  17. Tony Marchisotto

    PS: From a note my wife gave me…

    A true hero gets out of bed every morning and goes about life’s daily tasks unnoticed, unassuming & unsung. A true hero takes on responsibility, speaks kindly, acts fairly, endures patiently. And facing every day with simple strength, a true hero persists in the things that really matter,

  18. Adam

    when i get home from fishing my kids always look like they have grown, while i was away.
    Raising them is the best part of my life. I hope to live long enough to fish every day, when it’s their turn to raise my grandchildren.

  19. Matt

    Great topic and fantastic comments. I started surf fishing once my fist son was born and now have two. I also live 2 hrs from the nearest beach and 4 from the ones I really want to fish. The balance is hard, because the call of the water is strong. My wife is fantastic, but it still causes tension in the spring and fall. It’s great to hear how you all deal successfully with this situation. I long for the days when my boys are my right-hand men, and are pushing me to the beach!

  20. Jim Hill

    I hear ya Z!I’m already an hour away from the sand and with Jimmy’s schedule Soccer,school and travel,Music.It’s nuts!!!I got sick in Oct. to boot.So at least now Dec the christmas concert’s over soccer is down to just indoor,and there’s still some bass swimmin around down here in NJ.This responsibility stuff is for the birds!! LOL

  21. Steven

    Boy does that sound familiar.

    With 3 daughters as active as possible…… is all about choices.

    Thanks for the perspective Zeno.


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